However bad the marriage to be left is piercingly horribly humiliatingly painful
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However bad the marriage, to be left is piercingly, horribly, humiliatingly painful. People often take years to recover, even if in the end they come to acknowledge that a new life, or a even a life alone, is better than life inside a bad marriage.Although the new divorce law will finally remove the last vestiges of the concept of blame from the statute books, shame, blame, guilt and white rage will still surround divorce. Is that all there is to it? Nothing more? This week Christina Stark got divorced in church, to mark the occasion. Her United Reform church minister in Sheffield created a new 45-minute service concentrating on all the good things that came from the marriage. What do you do when it's all over? The stiff envelope drops on to the mat - and that's all that marks the decree absolute, the absolute end of what should have been a life-long bond Your next of kin is no longer kin at all. Single-sex, spiritually oriented activities more readily strike a chord among inner-city Muslim families than among white kids busy with their Supernintendos and secularism.
More Muslim groups are due to open with adult community leaders coming forward in abundance.What might Baden-Powell have made of it all, I wonder I tackle one of the 8th Beckton Scouts on the matter The boy blinks."Who's he?". But John Fogg admits that there are still many who believe the association's job is to produce "good little Christians".But ironically, the best chance for these organisations' survival lies in the ethnic minority communities. Scout and Guide groups set up this year for Bangladeshis in Tower Hamlets, east London, have been a spectacular success. They are defined by spiritual development, but while the Boys' Brigade is rooted in the Church of England, Baden-Powell's legacy is officially "multi-faith." After much hand-wringing, Scouts and Guides now swear allegiance to "my God".
"The Scout Law says explicitly that a Scout has self-respect, and casual sexual relationships break that Law," thunders the ex-Royal Navy man.During his seven-year reign he has expelled long-serving humanist scout leaders, made it clear that atheists are unwelcome and been big on "duty to God".Religion lies at the heart of the confusion about these movements' future. In 1990, they enlisted designer Jeff Banks to come up with what Ms Williams charmingly calls "a range of mix-and-match co-ordinates". Guides can now earn a World Issues Badge.Chief Scout Garth Morrison is the champion of the fundamentalists - he lambasts society for "empty scepticism". He roundly condemned reports that condoms were included in Scouts' welcome packs at last summer's annual jamboree.
But the terms of the change have sparked a civil war, as modernisers bent on reform clash with fundamentalists seeking a retreat into traditional roots.A prime example of the modernising tendency at work is the Guides' new vision statement, which talks of women realising their potential "in their career, home and personal life", in that order. Numbers are down to 117,000 at the Boys' Brigade, a pseudo-military movement set up over 100 years ago by an army officer trying to discipline young boys "It's a constant struggle," sighs a spokeswoman. Army cadets now scarcely number 40,000, air cadets 30,000, sea cadets half that number.The need for all these movements to respond to decline is clear. Every aspect of their work, from dress code to moral code, is under review, as they attempt to update their appeal. It is no surprise that while there are 175,000 Guides in this age group, there are just 20,000 aged 14 to 25.The Guide Association's numbers have fallen by 64,000 in the past 12 years, to750,000. Many groups have had to close, once newly opted-out schools realised they could charge commercial rates for use of their hall, thereby pricing Guides out of the market.
By the time the girls are 16, it is easy to guess what they will make of these role models. But laudable as their efforts are, "Pugwash", "Woodstock" and "Puffin" are broad of beam, hale and hearty, and anything but "with it". I can't be a uniform person, because that will put people off." He pauses, bashful. "But I think we must have some kind of standards."A meeting of Dulwich Guides, in south London, is more sedate It is fancy- dress night. The girls, aged between 10 and 13, vamped up in their mothers' make-up, say: "It's something to do on a Monday night".Hilary Williams, the Guide Association's chief executive, has assured me that the "with it" leaders provide "splendid female role models". "They're playing British Bulldogs," he offers, hopefully.The group of 10 to 15-year-old boys and girls has arrived at the school hall in high spirits and startlingly low levels of uniform.
